i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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