Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
