were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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