I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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