I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
