Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
