I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
