He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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