Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
