When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
