How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
