We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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