Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
