I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
