We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
