non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
