Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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