I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
