im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
