Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dicks are not precious.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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