My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the day after is always just damage control
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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