What did we do last night that was yellow?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she looked like the before picture.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
