i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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