Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
