I can tuck mytits in my pants
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
