I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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