i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
