Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
