Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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