I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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