Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
