here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
