i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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