I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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