The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We don't watch enough power rangers
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
