Already got asked if we're dating
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
