Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
