Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
