I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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