my phone cant type all the emotion im having
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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