I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
