My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He did a backflip because drugs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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