I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
