Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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