my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
