ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
