drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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