Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my being single is dangerous.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
