I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
