sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
