Sry I called you an 8
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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