Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hell yes lets make some ravioli
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
