Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I understand Curling. That high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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