Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I smell like Dick and happiness
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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